WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT

This is to announce the upcoming wedding of Camille HabbibiVishnuGuru to Joseph Gandhi-PatelRassGarba. The couple met while working at Dunkin’ Doughnuts (because, really, where else do Indians meet??) Joey was out back feeding a chocolate éclair to his pet elephant and Camille was taking out the trash when their eyes locked; Joey asked Camille if he could treat her to rice and curry and the next thing you know, the couple was having raunchy animal sex in Camille’s father’s Jacuzzi.

Camille subsequently deleted her accounts with DelhiDate.com, BombayBootyCall.org, and India2India.com; she knew after their initial romp that she had found “the one.”The rehearsal dinner will begin at Dunkin Doughnuts and continue to Seven Eleven for the “All You Can Eat” curry buffet. The lavish ceremony will take place at the Gandhi-PatelRassGarba estate, which is an exact replica, to scale, of the Taj Mahal. Approximately 8,786,808,765,677,909,800,076,665 guests from all around the world will be flown in to witness the couple’s union; included in attendance will be the entire Indian subcontinent and the island of Sri Lanka.

The wedding boasts an elaborate color scheme; Camille will wear red, yellow, scarlet, ruby, olive, lilac, gold, chocolate, mauve, lemon, crimsen, green, azure, rose, russet, purple, pink, orange, and blue – on her scarf. She’ll then jump into an elephant suit so that Joseph can ride her into the wedding procession – his elephant will not be in attendance as he has a hot date.The cost of the entire production was $8,700,000,000.

***I realize the above may be very offensive to some. What I didn't mention when I began this blog is I'm not too concerned about being offensive; 1) you can call me whatever you want - I'm half Italian and the other half Unkrainian, so go to town w/that - I'll even give you a few suggestions: As my friend Dan says, "meatball motherfucker," but I like "Daigo," "Guinzo," or just friggin' a mobster with cotton in his cheeks. For the other half, call me a commie or a dirty slav, whatever you will. Fact is, I'm proud of my heritage - and Indians, and everyone else for that matter - should be proud of theirs.

The above is a satirical wedding invitation - my good friend Camille works for a wedding planer and they're constantly planning lavish Indian weddings where the groom rides in on an elephant. So I took that and ran with it.