New York Stories (An "Ass-tastic" Convo)

You never know what's inside another person's head until you talk to them - or at least until they've consumed enough alcohol to feel "safe" about disclosing their innermost desires, dreams, or in this case, their ASSpirations. Please read on...

"Woah, man! That girl's really hot," he said to me, as we stood there sipping or beer from solo cups. "I just wanna eat her ass!" Pause...soak what he just said in; then I begin to grin and chuckle a bit, not realizing then that I'd be recounting this magical, ass-eating tale for you all. This was Friday at 10:15 p.m. In order for this all to make sense, let me back up to about 4 hours prior.

I'd arrived at the bar to meet 3 guys; 2 were friends and the other was the friend of one of them. Whereas I knew guys A and B very well, I didn't know guy C at all (from now on, I'll refer to him as "C"). C was nice, but introverted and shy; didn't say a whole lot but just sat there while A, B, and I reminisced. We all enjoyed dollar drafts and subsequently played many rounds of beer pong as this particular bar offers multiple tables in the back. C and I were pong partners (and we actually rocked at it (I didn't want to say "kicked ass" b/c of the underlying "ass" theme); nevertheless, this isn't always the case when I "pong it up" so I enjoyed that. As the night wears on, we're downing the brew like water; more people enter the bar and soon, these sexy "shot girls" enter with whistles trying to sell these tiny, overpriced, 90% sugar, 9% water, 1% booze shots. Their bodies, and the fake hope of seeing them naked, are what actually sell the shots, er, juice.

Now throughout our pong tenure, C and I had talked A LITTLE; mostly just "nice shot" or "yes!" as we slapped fives. But, as this one brunette walks by, C starts pourin' it out; eating her ass was only the beginning. He proceeds to tell me about a girl he used to date and how, at one point while they lay in the 69 position, she began to lick his anus. Only in his recap he didn't say the latter part so eloquently, but, I suppose nothing about ass licking can really ever be classified as 'eloquent.' He went on, "it felt odd for a second, but almost immediately I warmed up to it, and LOVED it!!" I sip my beer, digesting all of this. "From that point on, whenever we'd see each other, I'd make it a point to do that and have her do it to me! Maybe it sounds a little sexually deviant, but I'm all about the ass eating, giving and receiving!!"

I'm not going to judge C; after all, we all have our fetishes and I appreciate and often get a kick out of the bluntness of others. I just find much humor in the fact that one minute, a person is as quiet as ever, awkwardly laughing every now and then; and the next, they are describing, in unflinchingly graphic detail, about how ass is their "cuisine du jour."